My Dearest Brother;

My brother and I in the U-Haul
the day I moved out.

Anyone who knows me or my family is well aware of how close my brother and I are to each other. We have always gotten comments from other people about how they're amazed at how close we are, or about how they wish that they were as close as we are, with their siblings, but to be honest it's never felt anything other than natural to me to be such close friends with him. Maybe it's because when we were younger our family moved around quite a bit when we were younger, usually placing us in a brand new state in the middle of the summer. If we wanted to hang out with or play with someone, we weren't left with many choices other than each other. Or maybe because when we were growing up, he really looked up to me and because I enjoyed being admired, I tried to be a good example and to teach him well. I would come home from school and show him the things I was learning because I wanted him to know everything I knew. Or maybe because we both have very accepting and forgiving personalities, that we can understand discrepancies that happen and were always quick to forgive and forget. 

But this post isn't about determining why we are close, but rather honoring the relationship that we have.

Our last beach trip before Zach moved to
North Carolina.

Zachary, I want to take this time to say thank you. Thank you for being the best little brother that could have been gifted to me. You add love and laughter to my life and although I am the oldest and I do hope that I've been able to contribute to your life and to offer you guidance and lessons, you have given me those same things and more.  You have never questioned who I am as a person or the paths I've chosen to take but have rather met me with the unconditional love you would expect from family, and the support and acceptance of a best friend. I know it can be hard to say these things in person sometimes, and it can be hard to find the words to accurately express how lucky I feel to have you as a sibling, but it's true that you are one of the most significant people in my life. We aren't always able to spend as much time together as I would like. Our age difference puts us in two different stages of life- I'm living on my own with an apartment to take care of and a job I have to work at, and you're about to enter your senior year of high school. And with this past year, you living in North Carolina, it was rough. I'd never spent so much time away from you. Since the time I was four years old you have been a part of my life and although I wasn't overly thrilled with your arrival--your constant crying and pooping, I really do love having you around. But when we are together, it's like no time at all has passed. Everyone can tell we're best friends because we're always having way more fun than we should be having. When we're together, I feel as if I can always be myself and will be accepted and loved, and I hope you know that I will always afford you that same acceptance. When we're together, it's a safe place to laugh or scream or cry. To share our troubles or share in ridiculous and inappropriate humor. 

I want to thank you for always being such a caring person, even though I sometimes can be a bit of a pest. Thanks for looking out for me and for being protective. Although it was slightly annoying at the time, I'm old enough now to appreciate the sentiment and to know you always have had my best interests at heart. And thank you for always showing me unconditional love, even when I may not have deserved it. But I need you to know, brother, that the love is mutual. 

My hope for us as siblings is that no matter what happens in our lives or where we're taken or lead by our passions, we'll always be our side either physically or metaphorically. I know that we'll always have each other's backs. 

I'm so happy and excited we finally got to get our tattoos, after years of waiting and rescheduling. 

Taken after we arrived back at my
apartment after getting our
matching sibling tattoos. 

And I'm even more excited that it was your first tattoo, and that I was able to be there with you. The tattoos turned out amazing, Benny did an incredible job and I'm happy we were able to go to him. Team SLORG is such an important factor in our relationship, and I miss our boxing days often. It was such a transitional period for us both, finding our physical and mental strength, versatility and toughness, and training together brought us closer together for sure. Through all the blood, bruises, broken bones and tough training days, through the wins and the losses, we were there to pick each other up, dust each other off, and get back to training for the next one, which was excellent practice for the real world. Team SLORG (Strong Like the Oxen of Russia Girl/Guy) began as a joke, but quickly became an anthem. This tattoo is a symbol of our relationship as friends and as siblings, and I'm so happy to have it. I was looking up the symbolism of oxen today, out of curiosity and it just so happens that they're symbols of strength and power, as well as prosperity, abundance and good luck. In Celtic culture, oxen and bulls also symbolism great luxury, wealth and provision, which is everything I want us each to have both in our friendship and in our individual lives. In modern times, it has also been used to symbolize both confidence and strength. Many cultures believe that coming across the skull of a cow, bull or ox is a symbol of protection from harm and in painting and graphic arts, oxen are often used to symbolize the mind's ability to control the physical body. I think this is such an excellent symbol for our friendship, and although it was coincidence, I think everything happens for a reason, and I think it's great that it worked out to be so well aligned. 

"Love you to death" in each other's handwriting. 

So brother, I'm so proud of the man you're becoming and I'm so happy you're my sibling. I wouldn't want any other brother. I hope you continue to be so tough, strong, and brave, but remember to keep your heart filled with love and kindness, and your mind wide open. Remember that it is okay to have moments of tenderness, and to not mistake them  for weakness, and remember that I will always be here for you. 

I love you, brother.