Crossing Oceans

"Don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you"

There are countless quotes similar to the one pictured above circulating the internet. In fact, the quote pictured above has over 5,000 retweets on twitter and thousands of thousands of notes on the website, Tumblr. In fact, someone I've recently met who is an extremely kind and positive person shared on her Facebook a quote that read; 

"The problem with me is that I swim oceans for people who wouldn't even cross bridges for me."

It was somewhat surprising to me that someone so sweet would propagate such a message, yet I can understand why. There was a point in my life, a very recent one at that, in which this quote was somewhat of an anthem for me. I read those words and they resonated with me because I was tired. I was tired of being the "bigger person" and apologizing. I was tired of holding the metaphorical door open for the person that chose to go in the other side instead. I felt as if I was pouring so much of myself out into the others around me, yet no one was pouring anything back and it left me feeling hopelessly empty. I was always the one to go out of my way to show others love, kindness and respect, yet only got that same courtesy returned to me in the same degree, less than half of the time. I was tired and frustrated. Why should I "cross the ocean" for people who proved to me time and time again that they were unwilling to to the same for me? This imbalance in kindness shown was apparent, I believed, even in the smallest aspects of my life. I had a 'friend' whom I always checked up on, tried to see how they were doing and wish them well, yet was never asked how my day went in return. I would pick up shifts for coworkers who were sick, or couldn't work, I would stay late when they weren't feeling well so they could go home early, yet when I was in need there was no one for me to fall back on. 

So I decided to do something about this conundrum. I vowed to only "cross the ocean" for those who I felt deserved my kindness. I told myself I wasn't going to do any favors for people who had denied me assistance in the past, or who I was confident would do so in the future because it just didn't seem fair. It made me feel a bit better to make this promise to myself...until I started to examine that pattern of thinking, and I realized how inherently problematic it is. 

Notice that when I was discussing my frustrations earlier, it circled back to myself? About why be nice to someone when they won't return it back to me? It's a very self-centered, very selfish way to view human kindness. It's viewing being kind to people, doing people favors and showing them love and appreciation, making their day a little brighter, as putting myself in the shoes of a victim. But being unconditionally kind is not what makes you a victim, it makes you someone with good karma.

I then thought of my wonderful mother, and everything she has done for me in my lifetime. All of the times she has gone without new clothes or shoes because I wanted something. All of the times she went out of her way to drive me to friend's houses or take me to the mall, for little to no thanks. All of the times she loved me, even when I hated her. Even when I didn't recognize how much I needed her love. Through all of my successes and failures, through all the times I thanked her and all the times I didn't, my mother has shown me unconditional love. And I thought of how hurt I would be, and how different my life would be if my mother would have adopted this attitude. Especially during my defiant teenage years, if she would have told me "no, I'm not going to take you to volleyball practice because I cooked you dinner and you didn't thank me." Or if she decided not to make me dinner one night because she always cooks and I never return the favor. My life was made significantly better because my mother showed me unconditional love and kindness, without regard to what she would get out of it. My mother crossed oceans for me, even though there were, unfortunately, times when I wouldn't want to cross a bridge for her because I would rather be with my friends, or my boyfriend (it's not something I'm proud of, but we've all been teenagers once). 

Each and every person that you meet in your life also needs that love and kindness shown to them. It's frustrating when someone treats you poorly, or hurts you feelings. It's an unfortunate feeling when you reach out to a friend only to be ignored. It can make you want to scream and yell when you've gone out of your way to do a favor for a friend and then, in your time of need, that friend hangs you out to dry. And I know it seems so much more appealing to write them off, curse their name and tell them to go to Hell. It can make you feel a bit better to promise yourself that you'll remember this...that you'll never help them again. But you must keep in mind that how others treat you is their karma and their character, and how you treat them is yours. At the end of the day, you are the person that has to live with the way you have done unto others. 

You see, you have the infinity of the universe inside of you. You have limitless potential for kindness, as does everyone else. But you choosing not to exercise that potential is a reflection of you. If you can see someone who is in need of love, or kindness, or if you can see someone that you have the ability to make their day brighter, and you deny that with the justification that they have not or would not do the same, that is you choosing not to be an inherently kind person. It's you making the choice to only be kind if there is something to be gained, and it's a choice made in selfishness. 

Now, that isn't to say that I don't believe that people can drain your energy or take advantage of you. That isn't to say that people can't bring you down or be toxic to your aura and your mindset, and I believe it's okay to prefer not to interact with these individuals. It's okay to try to avoid spending time with them and to instead seek out those who will build you up and make you feel more whole. This isn't to say that you should put yourself at huge disadvantages and sabotage your own happiness for the sake of another's. But I am asserting that you should not consciously deny someone love or kindness. I do not believe that thinking the only kindness that is deserved is that which is reciprocated. 

I believe that people should love people. People should show others kindness and offer service and assistance when they can. Hold the door open for the person who doesn't smile or say thank you. Let the woman with the crying child skip ahead of you in line at the grocery store. Text your friend and see if they made it home safe, even if they would never extend that same consideration to you. Show people kindness and benevolence regardless of their race or their religion. Regardless of the background, their sexuality, their political party and even their actions and their character. Instead act out of alliance to your true self. The kindness that you know lives inside of you. Show love to people when it isn't acknowledged or reciprocated. Show love when it doesn't make sense, or when they don't seem "worthy". Show love even when the society around you would excuse you from doing so. Because showing love to someone who sends it back to you is no challenge of character, but the reverse is. It's a chance for you to bring more positive into the world and let it be a testament to your true self. 

Be that beacon of positivity and compassion, but don't do it out of pity or out of a sense of moral high ground. We're all on this Earth together and can all learn from each other. Let your lesson be one of bringing light into other's souls, and maybe your small act will be the one that sparks a change in their day, week, month, or even their life. We all face our own struggles, and you never know what another person is going through or what they're having to face. 

So give selflessly without thinking of what you're gaining in return, but rather focusing on what you're giving, and listen to your soul, because you will know when you have truly given enough. Don't let yourself become a door mat, but do what you can with all of your heart and kind soul. 

So today, my hope for myself is that I will continue to combat those problematic thoughts. I will continue to fight the selfish part of my ego that pops up, wanting to always have something given in return because I know truly that there is more in my soul to give. I will focus my attention on filling people around me's lives with kindness and grace that I won't have time to focus on what I feel that they owe me in return. I will strive to radiate love completely and without reservation because I know that life isn't about what you gain, but what you give. 

I will stop looking at swimming oceans for people as the "problem with me" and rather look at it as a testament to my true character.

I am called to cross oceans, and this is my invitation for all of you kind souls to join me.