Things to Learn From Unexpected Outcomes

The more and more I paint, the more I fall in love with it as a way of expressing myself. I have always been able to write decently well however I've time and time again had people tell me "I can't really picture what you're saying...but I can tell it's good..." with a shaky voice, trying to be kind. And it's extremely disheartening when I've poured my heart out into a piece of writing, only for no one to understand the point I'm trying to get across. While I do create for me and me alone, it's an isolating feeling to not have anyone "on your page" so to speak. With painting, it's more visual. Everyone gets something out of it and even if they don't, once I tell them "this is this and that is that", their face usually lights up a bit with recognition. It's a more universal form of expression, I mean, a picture is worth a 1,000 words. Not that I ever intend to give up writing, but I am falling equally in love with painting.
And the more in love I fall, the more I realize how much I lack. In supplies, in knowledge, and in skill. I don't say that in any sort of negative way at all, rather I'm coming from a place from pure, unemotional observation. Knowing that I know nothing is a great place for me to begin, because I am willing to learn everything there is to learn. I was watching tutorial videos on YouTube when I came across some Bob Ross videos, and decided why not watch one? So I did, and the way he spoke in the video was so encouraging and uplifting. He really made me feel like there was no wrong way to paint, and I realized that he was right. When I first began watching the video I felt as if I could never paint something like that because it looked "too realistic" and mine wouldn't come out well. But I recognized that thought, let it pass without attachment, and decided not to put limits on myself. I decided to give it a try.

I really wish there was a way that you all could see my paintings in person because they have a lot of texture that is very unique, that photographs tend to flatten. Something I thought that might be cool would be to host a gallery and showcase my paintings and drawings and have some of my poems printed out on large pieces of paper for people to be able to read.

And this is how my painting turned out. I tried something and I realized that there is no such thing as failure. Just because something doesn't turn out the way you thought it would (painting, drawing, writing, dance, or even your life!) doesn't mean you failed. In fact, there is a lot to be learned when things don't turn out how you had hoped or expected. 

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them" - Maya Angelou 

When you picture something in your head going a certain way, your painting or drawing looking a specific way, your date night or girls night going a certain way, or a piece of writing, anything, it's really easy to become frustrated, angry and disappointed when it doesn't. However there is a lot to gain from these situations if you take a step back and take the time to decide how to respond.
In a previous post I had mentioned how I had become upset at the outcome of a painting and had fallen back off the wagon, such a short time after I'd gotten back on (you can read that post here if you would like). I had wanted to give up. I cried from the frustration of the 'ugliness' of the painting, and how much it differed from the idea I saw in my head. I felt like I was a failure at painting, but then I came to my senses. I remembered that I was doing something I genuinely enjoyed and I was doing it because I chose this, and that doesn't mean it's always going to be easy. I realized that sometimes you have to adjust your expectations- when you're a complete beginner at something you have to expect challenges and go at an appropriate pace. Even when you're a seasoned 'professional', if you will, at something, you're going to have good days and bad days, both of which are equally important in our development. It forces you to come face to face with the pressure of the expectations you place on yourself and to analyze the fairness of them. Some helpful advice that I read once was to treat yourself as if you were one of your friends. You would never tell your best friend "wow that painting sucks. It didn't turn out the way I imagined it would at all. You're terrible". And you most likely wouldn't be friends with someone who treated you that way for very much longer. So why allow you to do it to yourself?
But more than that, when things don't turn out the way you expected, it can force you to look for validation from within. If your painting didn't really turn out how you wanted it to, you have to know in your heart that you're a good painter and it's just an off day. If you painted something horrible, lets say, you won't have anyone to tell you what a wonderful work of art it is, you have to know in your heart that you're talented.
And finally, it will humble you. When things don't turn out the way you wished, no matter what it is, it will help to mold you into a more kind, sympathetic person. It will make you stronger and wiser, and it will help guide you in the right direction for next time. Each situation is a learning situation if you can take the time to step back from your emotions and take what you can. You will learn that you can't be perfect and that sometimes failure is a win.

So my wish for you is that you go out there and you chase down your ideas and your visions, but that you don't be discouraged when they turn out differently but rather embrace and learn from it.

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