Dear Bully(s):

An open letter to the person(s) who have lately been finding joy in trying to erase mine;

To be honest, I'm just as shocked as you are (or well, as you would be if you read this, which I'm not sure you ever will) to be sitting down to write this letter. I debated long and hard about weather or not it was worth my energy. But in the end I decided to go ahead, not for you, but for myself and for anyone else that may be feeling similar to the way I do. But unfortunately, your unkind actions have admittedly taken a bit of space in my head, which has weighed on my heart. I would love to tell you that you haven't phased me, that I haven't given your stunts a second thought but unfortunately for me, that isn't quite the case. 

I'd like to let you know that the most recent of your stunts, when yesterday you decided that I needed to be personally signed up for the Obesity Action Coalition because I am obese and need help, and need information sent to my email and mailed to the house, was clever, and admittedly, did strike a bit of a cord. Like I'm sure you knew it would. You even ordered me a poster about understanding severe obesity and brochures about my weight loss options. You outdid yourself this time, truly. 

I'm not a thin girl, I will be the first to admit that. I weigh just about 160lbs and stand at 5'6" tall. Maybe you're aware that I have struggled with an eating disorder in my past, and that's why you chose this stunt. Or maybe you didn't, and just knew it would be a good way to make me feel bad. I don't particularly love my body, but I'm getting there. I eat foods that are good for me. I exercise regularly and enjoy stretching and practicing yoga. I care for my body and I am healthy. It's so easy to get caught up in negative self talk and self depreciating attitudes, I really didn't need any assistance. I've fought long and hard to get to this point, but I can say that is long as I'm healthy then I'm happy. My body is strong. It has carried me to the tops of mountains and back. It has allowed me to jump from planes and fall with style, to swim in oceans and rivers and lakes and sleep under the stars. Thanks to my body I can dance like no one is watching at concerts that I adore and play with my puppy. I can cuddle up next to someone I love. My body has gotten me through the happiest and the hardest times of my life, and I won't let your insensitive "prank" strip that from me. You see...not everyone naturally loves themselves. I don't. In fact, i work for it each and every day. That's something that you, as someone who was once a trusted person in my life (because let's be real, I have a pretty solid idea of who is doing this) knows. And for you to play on that, just makes you cruel. But I won't let it work. I've fought too hard, for too long. 

But really, I wasn't writing this letter to address just this one incident, or really any specific incident you felt inclined to provide me with. I'm not writing it to get back at you, either. I'm not even sure this letter will ever reach you. But if it does, I wanted to remind you that the way you treat others is a reflection of yourself, not of them. The way people treat others is a testament to their true colors, not to your worth and because of that, I won't allow you to make me feel small or lesser. 

I also wanted to tell you that I forgive you. I will not allow people like you to turn my heart cold or make me bitter. I will not allow myself to carry hatred in my heart either, because that is not who I am. I'm not the type of person that hates. I am a lover, and I will not allow my heart to be changed. Instead, I want to remind myself that hurt people, hurt people. People who are genuinely happy want to share that happiness and uplift others, not tear them down. So instead, I promise to try to find compassion for you. I wonder what life has done to you, to make you treat others this way and I hope you can someday let go of the things that are holding you back and poisoning your heart. I hope people in life continue to show you kindness, so that you may learn to follow their example. I hope life continues to bless you and that your heart becomes filled with positivity, so that you may begin to spread that instead. I hope that this serves as a reminder that you deserve love and happiness, just like the rest of us, and I hope you're on your way to finding it. But I will give you a hint, you won't find it in the ashes of other's burned joy. 

Best wishes,

Jess.