Not Just Yet

"Love You Through It" Digital Artwork by Jessica Whitacre

I want to hold the world in my hands
To cherish it with every breath in
And
Out
I also want to watch it melt and crumble
Disintegrate between my cold, unfeeling fingers
And I can’t decide which would do more damage in the long run because
I ripped my heart out long ago
So long
It’s become one with the moss on the sidewalk everyone fucking steps on
And I can’t tell the difference
Between weakness and forgiveness.
I’ve spent too much time lost in the noise
That I’ve learned to silence myself.
Because when you open up and tell your secret anxieties
Snakes use them as punchlines to expose your tender skeleton,
A skeleton one day I’ll leave behind as the sky itself weeps for the bones I’ve abandoned.
But until that point I’ll remind myself every rope tied
Noose
Is a victory flag in the background
And to those who think they can sneak up behind me with barbed wire and roses
They have another thing coming.
Gaze into the glass that is my heart and see
There’s nothing left to damage except the air that tastes of better
Years to come.