My Newest Tattoo and it's Message to All

"Wishful Thinking" By Benny Gonzalez

As many of you are already aware, I do indeed have several tattoos, all of which are incredibly meaningful and special to me in their own ways. I do intend to eventually post about each of them because I get asked about them quite often, however for the sake of this post I am going to focus on my sleeve and my newest piece. If you would like to read about my beautiful full color back piece, you can view my post about it HERE, or you may read a more in depth post about the Ox Skull that covers my bicep in a post HERE. If anyone is wondering about my tattoo artist or is wanting to contact him for an appointment, his information can be found in my resources page. 

But first, a little bit of background...

I started off my sleeve with the ox skull, dedicated to my brother and the love we share. I honestly believe that I wouldn't be the same person today without his love in my life. We share a bond that can never be broken, and an understanding for each other that can never be replicated. Next came the wildflowers, seen while I was climbing my first ever mountain, Blood Mountain, in Georgia with my best friend Mychel. In a way, this part of the tattoo is a nod to her, because she is another person I don't believe my life would be the same without. There are people that come into your life and you know you will never be the same, and she is one of those people. My hope for us is that we will remain the best of friends until the bitter end, when we're both wrinkled and grey, but if that were not to be true, I still will always hold a special place in my heart for such an amazing woman. It's also a nod to the experience that I had climbing that mountain, and standing at the top, knowing that it was my body that got me there. My body, that I have struggled to love and accept for the entire 21 years that I have been alive, carried me to such a beautiful sight. It's a testament to the fact that flowers are not in bloom all year long, and I don't have to be either, and a fact that they can regrow after being stepped on and I can too. It also is a nod to several Alan Watts quotes involving flowers as metaphors, which I plan to discuss in depth later. Then comes the half-mandala which you can read more about the meaning of those in my post HERE if you would like, however in short it's a reminder of my relationship with infinity and wholeness. Then comes the flower of life, which I just recently posted about HERE, but again, in short is a reminder of the connections that run between all living beings. That I'm no better, nor no worse than anyone else and that because we are all connected and all one, of our duty to help one another. I plan to talk more about this at a later date. 

So now that you're caught up, let's talk about how the idea for the newest piece was born.

My wish for my sleeve was for it to be very representative of concepts that are precious to me and symbolic of the way I want to live my life and the type of mark I want to leave behind once my time here is over. My original idea for the inside of my forearm was to have a human figure trapped inside of a light bulb among a field of dead and dying flowers. In front of the light bulb would be a small girl looking up at the moon, holding a small bouquet of live flowers. I wanted the entire tattoo to be black and grey, yet that bouquet to be in full color and I wanted the figure trapped to be reaching out toward the bouquet. It's a beautiful idea, and I plan to paint or draw the image I see in my head sometime in the near future, however my forearm is too small to fit the image and for it to have the detail necessary for it to not look like a jumbled mess. So I was sent back to the drawing board. With the message I was trying to convey, what image would do the trick? I wanted something that would show the struggle of holding on to your bouquet, remaining positive...etc...

I was stuck on the image of the small girl with the flowers. I couldn't get it out of my head, it was so perfect. But how could I convey the light bulb man? That's when I remembered an original photo that my artist, Benny, had drawn a few years ago that he entitled "Wishful Thinking." It was perfect. I asked him about tattooing the image, and he agreed that I was the perfect person to have this original image tattooed on them. He had drawn it a number of years ago and never allowed anyone to possess the image, and vowed that after me, he would not tattoo it again, so I knew it would be special to me. He also happened to have a tattoo convention and competition coming up called Spooky Empire, where he planned to do the tattoo. I had never been tattooed anywhere other than a shop before, so I was super excited! Flash forward to the competition day, I was in the chair for 5.5 hours and our tattoo actually won second place! The whole vibe of the convention was totally unique and awesome. It was a really fun and exciting day. 

So what does this piece of the tattoo mean to me?

This piece actually has a lot of really complex meaning to me, and can be interpreted by others countless ways as well. However, to me, it is about remaining true to yourself and the person that you want to be, in a world that is trying to burn away your individuality and to sway you into abandoning your dreams and your own morals and personality. It goes hand in hand with this post I wrote about the importance of being nice, even to those that may treat you unfavorably and with this post I wrote about being your most authentic self. It's about the fact that life can be painful, especially for those that can be considered more 'innocent' or 'niaeve' or 'too nice' and get taken advantage of, yet you must covet those parts of yourself and hold them dear. We weren't born to pay bills and die. We weren't born to look pretty and to fit in until our looks fade and our bodies are weak. We all have dreams. We all have passions! And this world will tear you down if you let it. 

I have fallen into the trap. I have vowed to not help others unless I knew they would help me because it wasn't 'fair'. I've vowed to only be kind to those who I felt deserved my kindness. I've let myself react to situations in a way that is not aligned with the person I want to be, and the person I know I truly am, because society teaches us that taking an eye for an eye makes you feel better, not blind. I've almost given up on my life long dream of working in marine rescue and rehabilitation because I knew it wouldn't make tons of money. I wanted to have a respectable income that would awe people and an impressive job title to make myself feel "worthy" to those around me, instead of feeling worthy to myself. But no more. We only get one chance to be the person that we are right now. Regardless of what you believe happens after death, you only get one chance to be you on this Earth, so why not make it worthwhile? Why not be the you that you know you want to be? Don't let people burn you away. Love yourself. Take care of yourself and take care of your aspirations and your dreams and the things that make you unique. 

But this tattoo also is a reminder of the sacrifices of holding onto those dreams. Of not making loads of money, or people judging you for your tattoos, piercings, hairstyle, clothing choice, your life partner, your hobbies, etc. It's a reminder that this process of holding on to the real you can be lonely and it can be painful, but that it can be worth it still. The girl still smiles. 

I love the fact that it's on my forearm because I know people will probably ask me about it, and perhaps when I tell them, I can inspire them to look at their own lives. To follow their own dreams and to be more themselves than they have ever been before. Because while it can be scary or intimidating, remember. The girl still smiles.